Shattered Pieces
by Share Your Inspiration
Summary: In life, she held him captive by the beauty of her spirit. In death, she held him captive by his undying love.


Title: Scattered Pieces

Rating: T

Summary: In life, she held him captive by the beauty of her spirit. In death, she held him captive by his undying love.

Disclaimer: I don't own the playground, SMeyer does. I'm just happy playing in it once in a while.

Source of inspiration: Pieces by Red www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=MKU96TSWnzU

Lyrics:

"Pieces"

I'm here again  
A thousand miles away from you  
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am  
I tried so hard  
Thought I could do this on my own  
I've lost so much along the way

Then I see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole

I've come undone  
But you make sense of who I am  
Like puzzle pieces in your hand,

Then I see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole

I tried so hard. So hard.  
I tried so hard.

Then I see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole

Scattered Pieces

_Wisps of white flutter in the wind with each step she takes. Sun-kissed shoulders, blush stained cheeks, eyes of the warmest, richest coffee shining with the love she feels for him as she smiles; an angel—his angel, making her way toward him on her father's arm. _

_She's sunlight and warmth and love...and everything he's ever wanted or needed..._

A blaring horn shocks Edward from his, for once, peaceful sleep. His heart pounds against his chest as his breaths catch and stutter away from him. Pools of tears surge into his eyes as the promises his dreams held, fade into the reality of his life. The agony that shreds through his heart is just as fresh as it had been the night his life had come to a screeching halt; the night he lost everything but the empty beating of his own heart.

Time and time again people in his life had told him that his pain would one day ease; that time heals all wounds no matter how great. But time hadn't healed him. Time hadn't mended the deeply gouged fissures his loss had carved upon him. If anything, time had deepened the crevices left behind that everyone promised would mend, and filled the empty spaces with sorrow and regret.

"_I miss you_," he sobbed, her pillow catching his anguish filled tears as he buried his face into it, wishing it still carried her scent as vividly as his memory did.

Mornings like these were the easiest to bear; memories of her beauty and her love filling his heart and mind in exchange for the startling sounds of his own horrified screams and heartbroken cries. Those days were impossible to get through as the images that woke him continued to haunt him throughout his waking hours.

Beside him, long after his tears had dried and the searing pain in his chest had dulled to an ache of emptiness so vast an echo of his own unfailing heartbeat could never be heard, his phone rang. Once, twice...three times it shrilled, but not even a glance did he spare in its direction as he forced himself out of the bed.

Walking down the hall, he stopped and placed his hand against the first, and only, picture she'd ever hung. A black and white image of their hands forming a heart above the autumn rich grounds where they shared their first kiss in secrecy as mere children; a rarely traveled trail off the beaten path in the woods surrounding their neighborhood, a place they knew their moment would be theirs and only theirs—untainted by the prying eyes and nosy minds of their siblings.

It had been such an awkward place for her to choose to hang her proclaimed favorite photo, and he remembered the teasing comments he'd made pertaining to her lack of professional decorating skills. Teasing comments borne from his adoration of her eccentricities that led to their boxes upon boxes of framed pictures remaining unpacked as they spent the rest of the afternoon and night inclined to do no more than convey their love of one another with their words, hearts, and bodies.

A year had passed since, and the boxes still remained... just as she'd left them.

"_Edward_," his mother's sad and worry filled voice filtered into his home through the answering machine's speaker. "_Please pick up. I haven't heard from you in weeks. I'm so worried about you. You don't have to make it through this alone, honey...we're all here for you. Be...baby, she wouldn't want you to be alone today. Just call me, please." _

The almost voicing of his wife's name crumbled him where he stood, bringing him to his knees as his heart shattered anew. Hunched over, his forehead pressed into the backs of his hands splayed against the cold, hard floor. His wedding band, still remaining where she'd last placed it upon his finger, dug into his forehead as his chest shook from the force of the sorrow escaping him.

"_Damnit_!" he wailed, his hand slamming against the wood flooring. Anger and longing and years of built and shattered hopes flooded him, taking his breath away as he collapsed onto his back. His voice was just as broken as he, as he spoke to the Heavens beyond the ceiling of their home.

"_It should have been me...God, it should have been me..._"

Time ceased to matter, stripped bare of any meaning or purpose, as he lay upon the hallway floor. In the youths of their lives, it had meant everything. It had meant laughter and joy, passion and love to be shared; memories to be made and cherished. Without her, time meant nothing but pain and a life spent wasting away from the emptiness that grew steadily within him in her absence.

Lying in bed one night, her face flushed from their recent lovemaking as she watched the diamonds cradled in her engagement ring sparkle with every slight movement of her fingers, she'd asked him once what he would do if he ever lost her. He'd told her then that he couldn't imagine going on in a world where she didn't exist, but she'd made him promise he would move on. He'd done so to placate her, naive enough to believe that day would never come, or if it should, that he'd have a lifetime of memories made with her to comfort him until his time came to return to her.

Never did he foresee it happening before their lives together had even truly began.

Edward had memories; many of them, and he would dream of them often. He would fall asleep and wake in his dreams to find himself in his love's warm embrace, the smile he'd adored for years stretched across her face as she gazed up at him. In those dreams, she never left him. In those dreams, he could remember how it felt to be happy and hopeful, full of life and madly in love. He could remember how soft her skin was when she touched him, and how her perfume filled his senses and clung to his clothing.

In those dreams, he could hold onto her for a little while longer... but when he awoke again, reality would crash back down upon him and destroy what little glimpse of comfort he'd been provided.

His vision was blurred and unfocused as he eventually made his way toward the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror, the bathroom door wide open, he stared at his reflection and tried to reconcile the image of the person staring back at him with the person he'd once been. Some days, he was convinced that his soul had been taken along with hers—that all that remained of him was the shell of a body too strong to let go of the life force he no longer felt a use for. Nothing more than a mere hollow vessel, left behind to live out the rest of his days while his soul lived on for eternity beside her own—where it had always been meant to be.

But if that were the case, he wouldn't hurt endlessly as he did.

Beneath the steaming spray of the shower, the world around him faded to the images of the past; the bright halogen light transforming to dim sunshine, and the rushing water flowing over his ears morphing into the gurgling of a spring stream. His wife's laughter filled his ears as he watched her in his mind's eye, her jeans folded up to her knees, calf-deep in the cool water as she tried fruitlessly to catch one of the small fish darting around her legs with her bare hands.

_"Aren't your toes frozen yet?"_

His heart lurched at the brilliant smile she cast in his direction.

_"Nope! You should put that book down and come in with me."_

_"Babe, that water's freezing. You're crazy to be standing in it."_

Tears sprang to his closed eyes as her head tilted and her smile softened.

_"Yeah, I am kind of crazy...but only about you."_

_"Just kind of crazy about me, huh?" _

_"Just a little," she shrugs, her eyes alight with humor. _

_The breeze blows locks of hair across her face and she sways from side to side, silently taunting him to come get her. He can feel his smile grow into a mischievous grin as he slowly rises from their picnic blanket, and a devilish chuckle escapes him when her eyes widen. _

_"Edward, I know what you're thinking and don't you dare!" she warns, stepping back further into the water. "I don't want to get all wet."_

_"How much do you love me, baby?" he grins, taking slow, predatory steps toward her. _

_"More than the world, more than anything, more than life itself...Edward...**Edward**!"_

The moment her shriek reverberated through his mind, the shower water turned ice cold against his skin. His eyes shot open, but it did nothing to stop the avalanche of memories of their last moments together from assaulting him.

_"I love the smell of fresh rain," she murmurs, her eyes opening and turning toward him. _

_He chuckles, glancing at the road and turning his eyes back to the glorious sight of the woman beside him. The love of his life who he's spent the last few hours dancing with at their wedding reception. He can't remember her ever looking as beautiful as she did right then; her hair taken down from its curled up-do, stands flowing in the breeze coming in through the cracked open car window. Her bouquet of cream roses sits in her lap as she smiles at him, and the fingers of her right hand gently caress the velvety petals. _

_"What?" she giggles as she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. He smiles and brings their clasped hands to his lips. _

_"Nothing, love. You're just a vision of perfection." _

_"Stop," she laughs heartily, a warm blush rushing to her cheeks, but as her eyes turn toward the road before them, her heart skipped a beat in her chest._

_"**Edward!**" _

The vivid sound of tires skidding on wet pavement just before the collision brought him to the shower floor, the rolling of the car and the grinding of metal on asphalt churning his stomach as he gasped for breath. Keening wails and choking sobs echoed within the small tiled bathroom as the lukewarm shower water continued to pelt against his skin, just as the rain had the night he'd lost her. His body shook, trembled against the chill and the heartache he continued to endure, and his arms wrapped around his knees in an effort to hold himself together.

"I can't do this...I _told you_ I couldn't do this," he croaked, breaking his own heart even further by speaking to someone he knows can no longer hear him, for if she could, she'd loved him enough to put him out of his misery.

His teeth chattered violently when he finally forced himself to turn the shower off. The water, long since turned from scalding hot to ice cold, continued to drip from the shower head. Many times over the last year he'd reminded himself to call the plumber, but when he awoke each and every morning to the all consuming grief her absence inflicted upon him, the leak in the shower became all but forgotten.

Nothing mattered anymore.

Not the leak in the shower she'd asked him to fix after their first few weeks of living in the new house, empty of nearly all their belongings while they dusted and cleaned, primed and painted, hammered and spackled away at the odds and ends that needed fixing. Not the patch of kitchen flooring, still left half laid as it was when she found tiles she thought she might like better. Not the hideously overgrown landscaping that had once been meticulously preened by her loving touch while he painted the window shutters and front door the precise shade of her favorite merlot wine.

None of it mattered to him without her.

With a heavy heart, he sat upon the edge of her side of the bed and reached for the framed photo he kept there in her memory. It had been taken the morning after they'd moved into their first apartment together. He'd quietly slipped out of the bed to retrieve her camera, and after the first snap of the shutters, she'd awoken. She'd laughed at him that day, pulling the blanket up to cover half of her face just as he'd snapped a second shot. It was the second shot he'd fallen in love with because of the way her eyes crinkled from her beautiful smile hidden beneath the covers, and how they beamed just as brilliantly as the ring upon her hand clutching the edge of the blanket.

He'd give anything just to be able to rewind their lives back just a few years. If he could, he wouldn't have made her wait to get married until they'd graduated; he would have married her before they'd even left for college together. Maybe then he'd still be able to awake to the warmth of her body beside him rather than the chill of the undisturbed sheets and fading images of his nightmares.

The house phone rang again as he made his way back down the hall, keeping his eyes trained on the floor as he passed by the single photo she'd hung the day they'd officially moved into what was to be their marital home. The answering machine picked up the call just as he reached for the dress shirt he'd left draped over the arm of their couch.

"_Hey, it's Garrett. Where are you? We've been waiting for you for over an hour. Pick up if you're there..._"

Edward's hand reached for the phone, and hovered for moments before falling back down to his side. It was hard enough just thinking about seeing her brother and family on the anniversary of both their wedding and her death. Talking to him now, he wasn't sure he'd make it out of the house.

"_Alright, bro. We're going to head out...We'll just...meet you there I guess._"

Edward pinched the moisture away from his eyes, cleared his throat, and grabbed his keys and wallet off the end table quickly before leaving. As he drove, only the sound of the tread of his tires against the road accompanied him. Music, like many of the other things he'd once enjoyed, had become a thing of the past since her passing. She'd infused herself into every nook and cranny of his life, and while he'd never attempted, or even wished, to forget her, sometimes remembering her was just too painful to endure.

Parking in front of the flower shop, it took him a moment to compose himself before he could exit the car. He'd known this day would be harder than most, but he just felt so fractured and worn down that even the slightest balmy breeze could scatter the shattered pieces of himself into the wind. As he exited the car, a warm breeze caressed his skin; almost as if it were a lover's touch.

If he closed his eyes, he could picture himself still standing at the altar just a year before, the balmy air carrying to him the delicate scent of orange blossoms and roses she held in one hand as her father led her down the aisle.

If he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to take him back to a time when he'd felt the world was at his fingertips, he'd be able to envision the way her hair blew across her face and how the setting sun cast a halo around her as he asked her to be his forever on a pier overlooking the water in Seattle.

If he closed his eyes, he could remember what it felt like to have forever still ahead of them... but forever had already come to an end.

The elderly lady inside the flower shop greeted him with a sad smile. She could remember all too clearly the heartbroken young man who came into her shop just days after the horrific accident. In such a small town, news traveled fast, and it had broken her heart to hear of such a devastating tragedy on what should have been a most memorable day for them. In recent years, her memory had become less than reliable, but she could never forget the grief stricken young man requesting a dozen long stemmed red and cream roses on the morning of his wife's funeral. He'd been so distraught that day that he hadn't noticed she'd merely charged him what the flowers had cost her. Even now, a year later, requesting the same bouquet, he was unaware of her kindhearted gesture of sympathy when he handed her his credit card.

Before he turned away, she placed her weathered hand upon his and spoke words that she, herself, had come to know as true after the passing of her own life's love.

"She'll live on, my dear." His sore, red rimmed eyes raised to hers slowly and she smiled with heartfelt sympathy. "As long as you hold her in your heart, she'll live on forever in your memories."

Tears brimmed in his eyes and his chin trembled as he fought to keep his composure. With a slight nod, he thanked her for her kindhearted words and hastily turned away to discretely pinch away the liquid manifestation of his overwhelming sadness. In the slight privacy of his car, Edward's hands clenched the steering wheel in a vice-like grip as he struggled to steady his breathing, his emotions consuming him. If only the woman knew how his memories of his wife haunted him rather than brought him comfort, or knew how much despair it caused him to think of her and know he'd never see her again. He was dying inside. It didn't matter that his heart continued to beat strongly within his chest. The hollow emptiness her passing had left behind had been bleeding the life out of him since the very last moment he'd held her in his arms. A year later, he'd been bled dry. Not even a sliver of who he'd been remained behind.

The echoing emptiness within him pulsed and expanded as he navigated the car toward the only place she still resided outside of his heart—Angel Oaks Cemetery. On the very edge of town, past where the houses grew farther and farther apart until all that existed on either side of the road was lush forestry, the cemetery sat tucked away in privacy. A winding road led him to, and through, the iron gates guarded by stone angels on either side, and into the peaceful surroundings he'd chosen for her final resting place. Towering, sprawling oaks dotted the landscape, and it was beneath one of these he'd had her placed.

Pulling over to the side of the winding road, his gaze turned to the beautiful tree that provided her shade from the scorching sun and cover from the rain, but allowed her stone memorial to be graced by the rays of the setting sun she'd loved so much when she'd been alive. From where he sat he could see her family gathered together, her parents holding one another, and her brother crouched down to the ground as he placed a bundle of flowers in one of the three vases. His already fractured heart shattered even more as Garrett touched the fingers he'd kissed against the engraving of her name upon the stone before standing and wrapping an arm around his pregnant wife. Bitter envy crept through his veins at the sight of what he and his own wife had been robbed of; the chance to create life out of the love they shared. His head dropped against the back of his seat, his unseeing gaze trained on the visor as the hopes for what their lives together could have held, died once more.

A tap on the glass pulled him from his desolate thoughts, bringing him back to the land of the living where his body, involuntarily, remained.

"You made it."

Garrett's voice was void of any of the joy he should have felt at the approaching birth of his first child—a daughter they planned to name Belle in honor of the aunt that would have loved her dearly, but would never be graced with the blessing of meeting. His voice was nearly as empty and hollow as Edward felt, save for the concern and sympathy he held for his sister's young widower. Edward did no more than nod as he took the bouquet of flowers he'd purchased in hand, and made to exit the car. He didn't wish to be rude and point out there hadn't been a week, very seldom more than a few days, at most, that had gone by where he hadn't come to visit her.

As he turned from shutting his car door, a pair of warm, fragile arms encircled him. Upon instinct Edward melted into her mother's embrace, holding her tightly as her husband gripped the back of his neck, his hand sliding down to find purchase on his shoulder. For all he'd taken from them in a moment of inattentiveness, his wife's family had never turned their backs on him; not as he'd done to them.

"I've missed you," Renee cried, the tears in her eyes spilling down her cheeks as she looked up at him. It tore her to pieces to see him still so distraught and broken. Gazing upon him, she could still see the little boy that put stars in her little girl's eyes. The little boy who flourished and grew into the wonderful man who'd filled her daughter's life and heart with so much love she'd never known a day of true sadness.

"I've missed you, too."

His reply in kind hadn't been dishonest, but it hadn't been entirely truthful either. He had missed her in the long months that had gone by, just as he had the rest of her family and his own, but it was infrequent that he thought of them. It was infrequent that he thought of much of anything outside of the memories of his wife.

"How are you, honey? How have you been holding up?" Renee asked, concern shining in her moist eyes. "I feel like it's been forever since we've spoken."

Edward's eyes flitted across the distant landscape behind her as he thought of how to answer in a way that would quell her worries for him, but she could sense his intentions instantly.

"The truth, sweetheart. How have you _really _been?"

His eyes darted back to hers, glassy and filled with despair, as he released a breath of defeat. His head dipped as it shook slowly, his gaze dropping to the ground they stood upon. "Not well, Ma'...I just...she was my life."

Before the tear that had escaped his eyes could touch and darken the pavement beneath his feet with its moisture, he found himself once again wrapped in Renee's warm embrace.

"I know she was, Edward," Renee whispered, stroking the back of his head soothingly as the others stepped away to give them privacy. "I know she was, but you were hers, too, and she'd never want you to hurt this way. Please, honey, please, for her sake and yours, you have to let her go and let life back into your heart."

"I can't. I've tried so hard, but I don't know how to."

The subdued sobs he strained to speak through had Renee holding him tighter in fear he'd fall apart right within her very arms. From the very moment she'd gotten the call informing her and her husband of the accident, she'd known Edward would never be the same, but she'd hoped that, one day, he'd be able to move on and live the life he'd been spared. It had only been a year, but every day she lost a shred of faith that he ever would and her heart hurt for him for it. Some days, she felt as though she hadn't just lost one child that night, but two, for Edward had always felt as one of her own and he'd stopped living the moment her daughter had.

Fate had been cruel and unfair to destroy the most beautiful love Renee had ever encountered or even read of. She'd watched it blossom and grow over years of childhood friendship that budded into youthful romance. What they'd shared had been love in its purest form; each half having known, deep down, all along that each had been made specifically for the other. Two halves of a whole that couldn't, and shouldn't, have ever been torn apart.

Pulling back from her hold on him, Renee cupped the side of Edward's face, swiping a tear away from his cheek with her thumb as she spoke to him.

"I'm afraid for you, sweetheart." Her own eyes glistened with heartache. "It's been a year and it's as if not a day has passed for you."

"It feels as if one hasn't," he admitted, his eyes turning to the shuffling of his feet as Renee's hand lowered to her side. "It never gets better, or easier."

"It will...when you let yourself believe it can."

Edward wasn't sure he ever would, or even could, believe as she did; not when time had proven itself incapable of healing the gaping wounds of his heart even by the slightest of degrees, but for the sake of appeasing his mother in-law, he nodded. From the corner of his eye, he watched as Garrett approached and shifted the bouquet of flowers into his opposite hand.

"Dad's taking Kate back to the house," Garrett informed them as he shook Edward's proffered hand and they embraced each other in a one armed hug. "Do you want us to hang back and wait for you?"

"No, I'll be fine." Edward shook his head as he gazed at Bella's grave, knowing Garrett meant well but not desiring the company.

"Are you sure?" Renee asked worriedly. "We can wait here by the cars, and I'll ride back with you."

"I'll be fine, Ma. I promise," Edward reiterated, smiling sadly. "I'll meet you all at the house in a little bit. Go on."

As she wrapped her arms around Edward in a parting embrace, Renee hoped he wouldn't have a change of heart as he had so many times before in the last year, choosing to return to his empty home instead of joining them for supper. It was agony for her, knowing how closed off to the world around him he'd become; how isolated and secluded he'd made himself during a time when he should've clung to all of those that loved him. Lord knows they'd all tried and tried to push themselves into his life, but all they'd succeeded in doing was having him push them farther out of it.

Edward watched them pull away slowly, and after waving once to Renee as her worried eyes followed him until she could no longer see him, he began his trek over the soft, perfectly manicured grassy grounds toward his beloved's headstone. Each step felt leaded; as heavy and hollow as the beats of his heart. The branches of trees he walked beneath swayed gently, allowing flickers of sunshine to dance within the shaded areas of his path. Unbidden, the memory of tiny rays of sunlight dancing upon Bella as they stood beneath the giant sprawling oak where they were wedded came to mind, and his eyes closed. The breeze caressed him with warmth and, for a moment, he felt as though she were right there with him; that if he opened his eyes, he'd be graced with her brilliant smile turned up toward the Heavens as she held her arms out and spun in slow circles. That was who she'd been, completely and irrevocably enamored by the mystical beauty one could find in nature; in life.

Opening his own eyes, his world may as well have been cast in eternal darkness, for the beauty that had once filled it, no longer existed in his sights. The sunshine didn't hold the glory and warmth it once did, and the rich colors of mother nature around him no longer held the vibrancy he could still see in his memories; everything had faded in her absence.

"Hey baby," he whispered, his devotion to her audible within the two words merely breathed past his lips as he lowered himself before her headstone. As if she were still alive and could hear him, he continued speaking softly to her while arranging her bouquet in one of the three bronze vases at the base of the marble memorial. "Ali called yesterday. She and Jasper miss you very much and wish they could be here today. They tried, but couldn't get approved for leave until Thanksgiving. They'll be flying in from Germany on the fifteenth of November, and staying until the third of December.

"I see Mom and Dad were here already," he sighed, his fingers gently touching the fresh petals of a bundle of fragrant sweet pea flowers; one of Bella's favorites. "They miss you too, baby. We all do...more than I can put into words."

The warm breeze picked up slightly, bringing to his nose the light floral perfume of the mix of flowers those that loved her left behind. It was a scent that had frequently pervaded the walls of their home during all the years they'd lived together. Their apartment had rarely seen a day where at least a single vase containing fresh flowers couldn't be found somewhere within; not even in the middle of winter when not a flower could be found in the frozen landscape surrounding them.

"I'm closing on the house next week. I'm sorry, Bella. I know how much you loved it." His sight grew blurry with tears, and he had to swallow and breathe deeply through the emotions constricting his throat. "I can't afford it anymore. I've drained my inheritance from my grandfather just holding onto it...and...baby, it hurts to live there without you. It hurts so damn bad and just feels so goddamn _empty _without you there with me...I can't do it anymore."

He wiped his eyes with the tips of his fingers and shook his head. "Ali says Mom and Dad want me to come back home, but I can't. There's too many memories of you there. I haven't even visited in months because every time I'm there, all I can think about is you. You're everywhere in that house, baby, just like you're everywhere in ours.

"She and Jasper said I could come stay with them for as long as I needed...get away from it all, but it's too far away from you. I can't live with the constant reminders of you, but I can't leave you behind either." He reached up and traced the engraving of her name in the marble. "I could never leave you when you were alive, and even now...I still can't. Your hold on me is unbreakable. I always told you that and you never believed me."

His arm fell to his lap, as did his gaze, and his fingers plucked and toiled with blades of grass. "Anyway, Em and Ro' just bought a house. It's got a tiny in-law apartment above the garage and they offered it to me. I think I might take them up on it...at least until I can get back on my feet...start working again and save some money."

His eyes lifted to her memorial and he placed a hand upon the cold stone. "It's not far; it's only in Port Angeles, so I'll still be able to come visit you all the time. I promise, Bella. I'll never be far."

The sun was just beginning its descent toward the horizon as he heaved himself up from the ground. Golden rays of sunshine bathed the front of her headstone as he kissed his fingers and pressed them to her name, breathed words of his eternal love for her falling from his lips and joining the whispering breeze that would carry them to wherever she patiently awaited him.

His journey to Bella's childhood home was a quick one; a trip that barely lasted a handful of minutes and left him little time to brace himself for the myriad of memories that would pummel him upon arriving. Even just standing on the sidewalk before the humble home, he could find no refuge from the bittersweet images and sounds his mind conjured; Bella's laughter as she swayed through the air like a pendulum in the tire-swing suspended from the sturdiest branch of the ancient maple beside the house; the smile she greeted him with from her window, a mix of excitement and fear of being caught, each time he'd climbed said tree and snuck into her bedroom window as a youthful teen in the late hours of the night; her breathtaking beauty the day they'd stood on her front stoop and posed for more pictures than he could count—dressed to the nines for their junior and senior proms.

Memories of moments he hadn't allowed himself to be submersed in for a full year. Memories of moments that both warmed him with the love he could feel she held for him, and chilled him to the bone with the staggering sense of emptiness he felt at his loss of her.

If it hadn't been for Garrett stopping his attempt to retreat unseen, he never would have been able to bring himself across the threshold of the home that once contained her slight frame bursting at the seams with all of her youthful desires to experience every small miracle life had to offer. Once inside, the memories continued to assault him—the quantity too innumerable to count with just a few steps away from the door. In his home, she'd all but vanished from everywhere but his heart, thoughts, and dreams; in her parents' home, she remained very much present in every direction he looked. Pictures upon pictures of her adorned the wall leading up the staircase near the front door, and on the wall unit shelves and end tables in the living room—her presence in their home was overwhelming.

His heart felt more raw and exposed than it had in many long months, bleeding itself out into the open with every one of her photos his eyes fell upon. She looked so happy and full of life in each of them, so gloriously vibrant with her laughing smiles and crinkled, sparkling eyes. Bella was everywhere, surrounding him with her memory as tangibly as she had with her love while she'd been alive. Each breath he drew into his lungs was a struggle to achieve, but as his eyes landed on the 11x14 portrait above the fireplace mantle, his breathing ceased entirely.

Captivated by an image of her dancing with him at their reception, the pair of them cast in the candlelight tinted glow beneath a canopy of sheer white fabrics and twinkling lights, he moved toward it in a daze. He'd never seen it before, had never been able to bring himself to look at any of the pictures taken that day that had captured her last moments with him on this earth. Tears rushed to brim in his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly, wanting to sear the image of the pair of them into his memory.

Taken when neither of them were looking, he stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist and his hands entwined with her own as they swayed from side to side. His chin rested on her shoulder, his face just as visible to the camera as her own turned slightly toward him. It was her smile and eyes that held him, soft and warm and heartbreakingly full of adoration—for him. God, she loved him like no other ever could, just as he did her.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Kate's voice asked, but he couldn't respond. "It's Renee's favorite photo of both of you. Garrett had it enlarged and framed, and gave it to her for Mother's Day."

His mind frantically searched for that specific moment in his memory, but he couldn't find it. It was lost in a sea of shared murmurs of sweet nothings in a world all of their own for those few short hours he'd held her in his arms in the center of their dance floor.

"Who took it?"

"Your sister." Edward felt Kate's hand on his arm, warm and comforting as his emotions spilled over in wet droplets that carved their way down his face. "She'd nearly toppled half the wedding party over trying to get to her camera, claiming the moment was too magical to miss. We all laughed at the time, but she was right. What you two shared was nothing short of magic and that picture somehow managed to capture the depth of it."

Kate turned toward him and his gaze broke away from the portrait before him as she spoke. "I'm so sorry, Edward. What happened..." Her voice quivered with deep sadness as her head shook. "There are no words that can take away the hurt of her loss. I don't believe it was just her time, but I do believe we're all put here for a purpose. There's a reason you were the only one to survive that night, Edward. I...we all, believe in that."

He didn't feel as though there was a reason good enough to have survived the crash that had killed three people; to have been left behind to wander through life as an empty shell of what he'd once been. Any reason he'd ever had to want to live, she'd taken with her in the same moment she'd taken her last breath. The more he thought about it as he stared at the image of himself holding his precious wife in his arms on what should have remained one of the best days of their lives, his anguish and desolation morphed into enragement.

A reason. Not a single _reason_ existed within any of it; not within a single moment of any hour he'd suffered through and survived in the last year, and not in the accident that had destroyed his life either. Logic nor reason nor blind faith in a higher power at work could justify there being a _purpose_ lying somewhere within the wreckage that only he had walked away from.

In the end, it all came down to free will and the choice of one highly intoxicated man to get behind the wheel of his car. In the blink of an eye that person had not only ended the life of a woman that encompassed all of the best that humanity could offer, but he'd taken the life of his own passenger and his own as well.

In the year that had passed, Edward had relived the collision more times than he could fathom, both through his nightmares and waking hours of searching for the moment where he'd failed to prevent any of it from happening. One didn't exist. Even if he hadn't glimpsed at Bella beside him, he wouldn't have had a chance to avoid the collision. The opposing car hadn't gradually drifted into their lane as it sped down the rain slicked road; it had swerved violently into their path. Months of helplessly analyzing every horrifying moment of it had only left him with the regret of which direction he'd jerked the wheel upon instinct.

If he'd jerked it to the right, she might have been the one to survive instead of him.

"I need some air. I'm going for a walk."

Edward's vision was nothing but a watery blur of rippling colors as he looked down at the keys he'd pulled from his pocket. The picture from the wedding had been simultaneously a balm to his shattered heart and the undoing of his tenuous grip on the overwhelming emotions he'd spent a year trying to bury, only to have them unearthed in mere moments.

Instinct told him to get into his car and flee as fast and as far away from the house holding her living memory as he could, but looking at the keys and living with the grief of what someone else had taken from him with just one faulty decision...he couldn't bring himself to follow his instincts. The keys dropped to the ground with a slight jingle as he turned, and walked away. From behind him, Kate yelled for him, but it wasn't her voice his mind heard.

_"**Edward!**" _

_Bright headlights blind him, coming straight at them, and without thought, his foot slams down on the brake pedal as he jerks the wheel hard to the left. The skidding of tires across wet pavement is drowned out by a deafening crash in the blink of an eye._

_Lights flash at trees, metal grinds on asphalt and glass shatters as the entire world spins over and over until there's nothing but pitch blackness. Edward's ears ring loudly as he comes to, drowning out the sound of heavy rainfall beating against the earth, the road... the undercarriage of the car. _

_"Baby," he croaks, searing pain shooting through the left side of his body. "You okay?"_

_"Bella..." His eyes open as his outstretched arm searches for her and finds her seat empty. The world continues to spin around him, and panic sets in as his vision focuses the sight of a shred of her wedding gown snagged in the carnage of metal that had once been the passenger side door. _

_A sob bursts from Edward's chest as he fights against his seatbelt, still fastened securely. His violently shaking hand claws and tears at the buckle until it comes undone and he falls to the roof of the car. His body aches and throbs with pain as he crawls through his shattered window, shards of glass and twisted metal biting into his skin. _

Edward wished he could erase every memory he had of the aftermath of the collision; the macabre, nightmarish scene he'd awoken to, but he couldn't no matter how hard he tried. He could still feel the sting of the icy rain pelting his innumerable gashes and scrapes as though he were just crawling away from the twisted wreckage; could still feel the searing pain of his dislocated shoulder and broken arm; could still be overwhelmed by the same fear of losing her he'd suffered that night—even though an entire year without her had passed. The pain had never subsided, had never dulled or became easier to bear, because the memories kept every moment of it fresh in his mind.

_"Bella!" he screams, unable to see more than a few feet in front of him through the gray haze of heavy rainfall. In the distance, he can see the reddish glow of the unmoving taillights of the other car, but it's what he passes by beneath his feet that heightens his sense of urgency—flower petals. _

_Destroyed cream and white flower petals from her bouquet litter the road, crumbled and beaten into the pavement, and in the midst of them, one of her white satin ballet slippers lays soaked through and empty of her precious foot. His limping steps quicken until his injuries scream in protest of his movement and keep him from moving any faster. Half way between the cars, his breath seizes in his chest at the sight of a mound of white in the middle of the road appearing through the sheets of rain coming down all around him. _

_"Oh god, no...Bella, please no..." he sobs, his tears mixing with the rivulets of water streaming down his face. With every rushed, painful step he takes toward her, her form becomes clearer; the pristine white of her dress soiled and tattered, streaked with dirt and grime from the road, and spreading blooms of her blood upon the sateen material, cast as an inky hue by the darkness of night. _

_"Baby," he collapses beside her, heaving sobs escaping him as he struggles to turn her over, only able to use his right arm. Her head lolls slowly to the side as he manages to pull her into his lap, her eyes wide open and lifeless; not a spark of the vibrancy they'd once held to be seen._

_"Please, baby...please come back to me," he shakes her gently, trembling hands touching her shoulders and neck, brushing the matted, soaked hair away from the side of her face and tapping her cheek softly as he pleads tirelessly. _

_"No...no, no **no**!" he crumbles. His screams of desolate heartbreak tear into the starless, stormy night as he holds her against his chest, her head tucked into the crook of his neck as he rocks back and forth. _

"Isabel, no!"

The terrified shriek of a woman stole Edward's breath away. His eyes flew up, seeing his surroundings instead of his torturous memories for the first time since he'd left the Swan home.

"_Isabel_!" she screeched again, causing his heart to clench at the likeness of the name to his wife's. His brow furrowed as he took a step forward, stepping off the curb and around the back of a large SUV, the sheer terror in her voice drawing him closer. For only a moment his steps faltered as his eyes took in the scene in front of him that only seconds before he'd been entirely oblivious to.

The woman was stumbling and running away from a little boy sitting on the ground, crying with a deep scrape to his right knee that Edward could see bleeding profusely even from his distance. But it wasn't the sight of the little boy's injury that turned his blood to ice; nor was it the woman running and screaming a name far too close to that of his beloved's to ignore.

It was the little girl chasing after a bouncing pink ball right into the street—and the car speeding down the road that couldn't possibly see her in time to stop.

"Isabel! Stop!" he hollered, his legs propelling him forward in a full sprint faster than he'd ever run before. Her eyes flitted in his direction for a mere fraction of a second; a mere moment that graced him with what he thought he'd never see again—eyes of the deepest, warmest brown, filled with vibrant life and mystifying depth that he'd only ever known his wife to have ever possessed.

"_Bella_!"

The moment the little girl darted out into the street, her miniature frame unable to be seen coming from in between two parked cars, her mother fell to her knees yards away, horrified. But Edward kept moving, the muscles in his legs burning as they pushed him forward faster in desperation to save her. Tires screeched against the pavement, drowning out the keening wails of her mother. Adrenaline surged through Edward, making it feel as though an eternity passed between each frantic beat of his heart as the little girl stopped short in the street, hauntingly familiar coffee colored eyes frozen on him, fearful and wide as the car skidded ever closer to her.

In the blink of an eye, Isabel saw her short life flash in her mind's eye, but in the next, she was enclosed in the safety of a stranger's arms.

A choice had never existed. A decision had never consciously been made, but in the end, it didn't matter, because what did exist for Edward, was a justifiable reason for why he'd survived a year before.

Many have claimed that, in what they thought were the final moments of their life, they saw a dark tunnel with the brightest white light imaginable at the opposing end. It's said that the light should be blinding, but instead, is indescribably beautiful and inviting. Others have depicted what seemed to be a ray of warm sunshine descending straight from the Heavens. Those who have lived to tell the tale, for one reason or another, turned their backs on the ethereal light. But in his final moments, Edward saw neither; no dark tunnels or Heavenly lights for him to choose to enter or turn his back on.

From his periphery, Edward could see Isabel's mother crying and rocking her terrified and scraped up, but otherwise unharmed, child while the driver of the car frantically spoke on his cell phone and tried desperately to calm them. He could see the flashing lights of an ambulance and police car flying down the road, and his own body sprawled across the hood of the car; the windshield shattered and bloodied. But everything felt like a surreal dream as he focused on the vision in white walking toward him; the deep blue hues of twilight and the approaching nightfall behind her.

His wife.

"You're early," she murmured, a loving smile playing gently upon her lips as she came to a standing stop before him.

He reached out to touch her, sure he was experiencing the cruelest form of hallucination imaginable. However, as his fingertips grazed the warm, soft skin of her cheek that he'd spent a lifetime memorizing the feel of, he knew he'd finally been saved from the nightmare his life had become without her.

"God I've missed you so much."

"I know, and I you."

"How?"

"I've been with you all along, Edward," she smiled up at him, caressing his cheek with the backs of her delicate fingers. "For every sleepless night, every tear you've shed, and every word you've spoken to me, I've been with you."

The sun seemed to rise as the world around him spun into an entirely different scene. Parked cars and flashing lights gave way to a meadow, filled with wildflowers of every color and surrounded by towering trees that cast tiny rays of light dancing across her sun-kissed skin, just as they had the last afternoon she'd been alive. Chaotic noise of sirens and tearful cries faded and transformed into the serene gurgling of a stream nearby. The scent of orange blossoms and roses permeated the air as he brought her into his arms and breathed her in deeply.

"Are you ready?"

"For what?"

"Eternity, what else?"

Edward pulled back to look at her, and gazed deeply into her eyes as she leaned into his feather soft touch upon the side of her cheek.

"I've been ready since the day I lost you, Bella."

He could find no regret or sorrow in the knowledge that his life had come to an end, for within that end, the beginning of their promise of forever to one another was held. With his arms wrapped around the woman he'd spent his existence loving more than life itself, the warmth of her love enveloped him, finally mending all of the fractured, scattered pieces of his heart.


End file.
